What Every FaceTime Call Is Really Like

Calling

Calling

Mom is unavailable for FaceTime

Calling

Connecting…

Connecting…

Connecting…

[A blurry image of your mother appears]

“Hello!”

[The image freezes; you hear no more sound]

Disconnected

Calling

Connecting…

Connecting…

[A blurry image of your mother appears]

“Hi, sorry about that. No, it happ—”

[The image freezes again, audio gets choppy]

“Hello? Hel—yeah I’m still here. No it’s just the internet. Are you downloading anything on your computer right now? No? Well maybe tr—”

[The video resumes and audio comes back]

“Oh there we go, hi! Yeah things are great how are you?”

[You both talk at the exact same time because the audio is lagging so hard]

“What? Can you repe—”

[You both do that again]

“Yeah sorry, I think it’s just—”

[The image freezes; you hear no more sound]

Disconnected

“…”

*Calling”

Mom is unavailable for FaceTime

“…”

[You put down your iPad, walk over to your phone, and call your mother and actually have a conversation with her, implicitly admitting to yourself and to her that sometimes newfangled technology is done for our own sake, long before it’s ready for people and the world they live in, and giving her one more reason to think she’s bad at technology, when in reality it’s the technology that’s bad at people. You’ll also realize, if only slightly more than before, that you need to reconsider the next time you decide to add a “cool new feature” nobody was actually asking for if it won’t actually fit into the way they live just quite yet.]

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